I'm settling in nicely at my job now. After being at this institution in a full-time big-girl position for about four months, I really feel like I'm a member of the team. Of course, I also feel like a bit of an outsider at times, but that's usual. I'm quite happy that I will be at this job for a while and am given the opportunity to spread my wings and do what I want. I just finished presenting at AAAL with a co-worker and have been given the room to pursue my interest of aboriginal librarianship. I will be meeting with fellow librarians with an interest in aboriginal librarianship in the next few weeks and may even get the chance to mentor a former class-mate in the area as well. I am very excited about this and it livens up an otherwise slow period at work where I wait for the new term to begin and an increase in library classes.
Silas had his 18-month check up earlier this month and it seems like he is just fine, but behind on his speech. I knew this. I will be calling soon to set up an appointment with a speech pathologist. Although I wanted to strangle him yesterday when he was sick and fussy and completely naughty, he really is a sweet boy and I wish I could hear all the stories I know he's begging to tell me. Today I sat on the floor instead of the couch and he was so happy to have me on his level. He brought me books to read and toys to play with and he wanted me to get into the cardboard box with him and it was absolutely adorable and highlights many of the reasons why I am happy to be a mom. I just wish he'd speak. He can say hi and bye bye with hand waves. It is precious.
I'm just selfish and I want more.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Status Quo
Nothing like 1 AM on a now Tuesday morning to decide to update this blog, eh? Remind me not to drink coffee with dinner, okay? Ugh.
Anyways... It looks like all the news I had brewing on the backburner is a bit of a let down. I found an amazing job opening in the city working with Aboriginals and developing a library curiculum. I had a wonderful interview with the Dean and Head Librarian of the school. But in the end, I decided that I would stay where I am currently at in hopes that if I wait this all out, I will indeed get a perminent position. We shall see. It seems that I will be employed until June 30 at least. Should be long enough to put a dent into my credit card/school debt. At at some point in early 2013, Silas' daycare fee should drop about 150-200 bucks! And in May I will get a 3K raise!
I have been obsessed with charting my debt and the scenarios of paying it down. I don't know if this makes me more or less ready to think about a second kid, but so far the immediate prospect of churning out another spawn seems unlikely. One day, maybe, perhaps.
I usually have those heart-on-your-sleeve blogs where I can write about anything, but as I blog about my work, everything is superficial and it's a hard atmosphere in which to document.
Anyways... It looks like all the news I had brewing on the backburner is a bit of a let down. I found an amazing job opening in the city working with Aboriginals and developing a library curiculum. I had a wonderful interview with the Dean and Head Librarian of the school. But in the end, I decided that I would stay where I am currently at in hopes that if I wait this all out, I will indeed get a perminent position. We shall see. It seems that I will be employed until June 30 at least. Should be long enough to put a dent into my credit card/school debt. At at some point in early 2013, Silas' daycare fee should drop about 150-200 bucks! And in May I will get a 3K raise!
I have been obsessed with charting my debt and the scenarios of paying it down. I don't know if this makes me more or less ready to think about a second kid, but so far the immediate prospect of churning out another spawn seems unlikely. One day, maybe, perhaps.
I usually have those heart-on-your-sleeve blogs where I can write about anything, but as I blog about my work, everything is superficial and it's a hard atmosphere in which to document.
Saturday, 27 October 2012
Work Uncertainty
My boy is growing like a weed and I find myself enjoying it way more than I am mourning him leaving his babyhood behind. He has a few more words, but he's still behind in that area. As of today he can now climb up and on to the couch with a pillow under his feet. I bet that by the end of next week he'll do it sans pillow. And within a week he'll probably fall on his head, but c'est la vie, I suppose. He is so excited when he gets on the couch by himself he shakes and laughs and laughs. He is a super good boy and I love him so much. He is just getting more and more charming and just a wonderful person to be around. I cannot wait for Halloween when I can put him in his dino costume.
My husband has turned thirty in the past few days and today we're celebrating with friends. There are surprise components and I cannot believe that I'm able to keep it a secret. I must be getting older too. :)
Work wise everything seems simultaneously exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. My employer is required to give me 8 weeks notice and my contract is up in almost 8 weeks. I'm getting some impressions that I may be staying and maybe it's longer than I thought...or maybe I'm done at the end of December. Everything is so tentative. And then I might have an opportunity to work elsewhere, an exciting dream position, but it could fall through too. So I could have one, two, or zero options in the next two weeks. I'm trying to be zen and just work hard for both in hopes that the right option is still there at the end. Or, at least any option at all.
Sorry, I just don't feel like I should write too much about this on a public forum. Unfortunately, it's pretty much the only thing on my mind and likely will be for the next week and a half, so I don't have much more to say. I'm pitching to speak at a local library conference with my supervisor and I hope that works out. I want to have greater ties to the library community, more opportunities to present as that gives me more incentive to do interesting things, and (lets be honest) more lines on my resume.
I hope I have some definitive facts to report next time and then I can focus more on the nitty gritty and pedagogical aspects to librarianship instead of neurotic paranoia about employment. :)
My husband has turned thirty in the past few days and today we're celebrating with friends. There are surprise components and I cannot believe that I'm able to keep it a secret. I must be getting older too. :)
Work wise everything seems simultaneously exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. My employer is required to give me 8 weeks notice and my contract is up in almost 8 weeks. I'm getting some impressions that I may be staying and maybe it's longer than I thought...or maybe I'm done at the end of December. Everything is so tentative. And then I might have an opportunity to work elsewhere, an exciting dream position, but it could fall through too. So I could have one, two, or zero options in the next two weeks. I'm trying to be zen and just work hard for both in hopes that the right option is still there at the end. Or, at least any option at all.
Sorry, I just don't feel like I should write too much about this on a public forum. Unfortunately, it's pretty much the only thing on my mind and likely will be for the next week and a half, so I don't have much more to say. I'm pitching to speak at a local library conference with my supervisor and I hope that works out. I want to have greater ties to the library community, more opportunities to present as that gives me more incentive to do interesting things, and (lets be honest) more lines on my resume.
I hope I have some definitive facts to report next time and then I can focus more on the nitty gritty and pedagogical aspects to librarianship instead of neurotic paranoia about employment. :)
Friday, 28 September 2012
I think it's safe to say that after two months in this position and a week and a half of teaching library classes, that I'm actually getting into the swing of things. It's not easy, but I've taught each of the three different classes I'll be teaching in various combinations at least twice. The more I teach, the more I can tweak my lesson plans to make the 55, 80, and 120 minute classes more dynamic and less snore worthy. I feel that I have been improving with each lesson, but I'm hitting a point where I can feel (somewhat achingly) exactly where my classes fall flat and I lose my class to texting, whispering, Facebooking, and dead eyes. I teach tomorrow (8AM! On a Saturday!), Monday, and Tuesday night and then I have a brief break from teaching. I hope to use that bit of down time to read some research and really brainstorm ways to make specific sections of my instruction better. For example, there is one class about how to use the Web for research and how to evaluate what you find. To be honest, I kind of loathe this class. Everyone comes into it feeling like they already know how to use Google and I'm a super square for thinking otherwise. I feel that I have their attention when we talk about the pros and cons of using the Web for research, when I show a video about how Google works behind the scenes, when I vandalize a Wikipedia page in front of them, and when I show that the third result when Googling "Martin Luther King" is actually a white supremacist site (and therefore don't just blindly use the top results of a search). This is about the first 15 minutes of my class. After that...it really drops off fast. I need to work on this. I know that. And hopefully I'll have time to do it soon.
I still have no idea how long I'll be working. Officially I'll be done at the end of December. This also makes me want to get as perfect as possible ASAP because I need to milk this position for all it's worth until I'm given the boot. I keep getting the impression that I'll be staying, but who knows for how long. Or that's just wishful thinking that I'm inserting into the subtext of conversations. I'd really like to stay...obviously. But I have to start job hunting in a few weeks if I want to keep a steady income and keep Silas in daycare. If I pull him out and then in a month I have another job, I'm screwed and cannot take him back to the daycare I love. I'll be getting stressed soon, I'm sure.
Silas is doing very well. I feel that he loves being at daycare and he's slowly working on getting more social. A caretaker told my husband that he and another boy played peek-a-boo with a cardboard house window and both just kept laughing each time they peek-a-booed. I wish I could have seen that! He is walking like a crazy man and is starting to try and run. It makes me very nervous to see him running as fast as he can across the cement. His fave thing right now is playing in spray parks...that are turned off for the season. I guess they're less scary this way! So far I have not seem him fall face first, so...I guess that's good. He's also crawling up playgrounds, but I don't think he realizes how hurt he would get if he walked off the edge. Yes, he should know this, but he rarely looks down at his feet to make sure he's not going to fall off things. Slides are the best and we're working on him not going down face first. You'd think the face full of sand would be a deterrent, but it's an incentive. Silly guy loves sand in his mouth. He stands up in the middle of a room without assistance and is pretty much a pro at it. I can't believe that just a mere two months ago he wasn't really walking. Crazy.
He's still not a big talker. He says mama and dada, sure, when he feels like it. He absolutely knows what shoes are and will point at them with a smile whenever you say the word. He will say it back to you, again, when he feels like it. I probably hear it once a day. He can say hat, and loves to put anything on his head (a lid, a piece of pizza, a bucket full of sand). I feel that he is starting to say "up" and has said egg before. Sometimes it seems that he knows what a nose is (on someone elses' face...not his own) and I think he knows what a mouth is. He absolutely knows what a "baby" is and will search for his baby if you ask him to and bring it to you. Shaking his head NO is a favourite...even when it means yes. But...that's about it. It's progress, but it's slow. I feel that in a month he might have a rush of new words, but who knows. So far with milestones he has approached them very slowly and maybe a bit behind schedule, but when he finally reaches it he does it with confidence and quite quickly. He refused to feed himself until he did and within three days he made very little mess. He would not walk...and then within a week he was walking all over the house and would not sit down. He is very careful with things and a bit of a perfectionist. I'm sure I've written all about this before. I wish he would talk more, but there's not much more I can do. His caretakers are wonderful and I'm sure they blab at him all day. I talk NONSTOP when I am around him and try to engage him in conversation. The day he responds to one of my many questions will be the day my heart melts into a billion puddles.
I suppose that catches things up. On my mind are, as usual, money and the lack thereof...especially when December or the end of this job rolls around. Jan 4 is our 10 year anniversary and I want to do something fun... but who knows. And Silas is almost a year and a half which makes my mind jump to the stress of determining if we're going to try and make him a sibling soon or not which is hard considering the tedious footing I have at my job. If I knew I would have a job where I work, I would put off making a sibling for Silas. If I knew that my job was going to be over, I'd baby-make yesterday. I just don't know where I stand and I really don't know when I'm going to know.
I still have no idea how long I'll be working. Officially I'll be done at the end of December. This also makes me want to get as perfect as possible ASAP because I need to milk this position for all it's worth until I'm given the boot. I keep getting the impression that I'll be staying, but who knows for how long. Or that's just wishful thinking that I'm inserting into the subtext of conversations. I'd really like to stay...obviously. But I have to start job hunting in a few weeks if I want to keep a steady income and keep Silas in daycare. If I pull him out and then in a month I have another job, I'm screwed and cannot take him back to the daycare I love. I'll be getting stressed soon, I'm sure.
Silas is doing very well. I feel that he loves being at daycare and he's slowly working on getting more social. A caretaker told my husband that he and another boy played peek-a-boo with a cardboard house window and both just kept laughing each time they peek-a-booed. I wish I could have seen that! He is walking like a crazy man and is starting to try and run. It makes me very nervous to see him running as fast as he can across the cement. His fave thing right now is playing in spray parks...that are turned off for the season. I guess they're less scary this way! So far I have not seem him fall face first, so...I guess that's good. He's also crawling up playgrounds, but I don't think he realizes how hurt he would get if he walked off the edge. Yes, he should know this, but he rarely looks down at his feet to make sure he's not going to fall off things. Slides are the best and we're working on him not going down face first. You'd think the face full of sand would be a deterrent, but it's an incentive. Silly guy loves sand in his mouth. He stands up in the middle of a room without assistance and is pretty much a pro at it. I can't believe that just a mere two months ago he wasn't really walking. Crazy.
He's still not a big talker. He says mama and dada, sure, when he feels like it. He absolutely knows what shoes are and will point at them with a smile whenever you say the word. He will say it back to you, again, when he feels like it. I probably hear it once a day. He can say hat, and loves to put anything on his head (a lid, a piece of pizza, a bucket full of sand). I feel that he is starting to say "up" and has said egg before. Sometimes it seems that he knows what a nose is (on someone elses' face...not his own) and I think he knows what a mouth is. He absolutely knows what a "baby" is and will search for his baby if you ask him to and bring it to you. Shaking his head NO is a favourite...even when it means yes. But...that's about it. It's progress, but it's slow. I feel that in a month he might have a rush of new words, but who knows. So far with milestones he has approached them very slowly and maybe a bit behind schedule, but when he finally reaches it he does it with confidence and quite quickly. He refused to feed himself until he did and within three days he made very little mess. He would not walk...and then within a week he was walking all over the house and would not sit down. He is very careful with things and a bit of a perfectionist. I'm sure I've written all about this before. I wish he would talk more, but there's not much more I can do. His caretakers are wonderful and I'm sure they blab at him all day. I talk NONSTOP when I am around him and try to engage him in conversation. The day he responds to one of my many questions will be the day my heart melts into a billion puddles.
I suppose that catches things up. On my mind are, as usual, money and the lack thereof...especially when December or the end of this job rolls around. Jan 4 is our 10 year anniversary and I want to do something fun... but who knows. And Silas is almost a year and a half which makes my mind jump to the stress of determining if we're going to try and make him a sibling soon or not which is hard considering the tedious footing I have at my job. If I knew I would have a job where I work, I would put off making a sibling for Silas. If I knew that my job was going to be over, I'd baby-make yesterday. I just don't know where I stand and I really don't know when I'm going to know.
Thursday, 20 September 2012
A brief visit back from a long hiatus
Well, I made it through my two week instructor training, a few sessions of job shadowing, a mystery rash all over Silas' body, a day off work and the weekend being sick, and.......my first two teaching sessions. Oh my! I feel like I still have a few training wheels on as my supervisor has been in the room during both, but she did not say a word during my part the second time and it felt a lot more comfortable.
Unfortunately, the mornings come early and my bedtimes increasingly earlier as well, so I guess I have to stop this entry before it starts. But now I'm back to posting so it should be easier to pick up here where I leave off. I'll be back in less than a month, I promise! :)
Unfortunately, the mornings come early and my bedtimes increasingly earlier as well, so I guess I have to stop this entry before it starts. But now I'm back to posting so it should be easier to pick up here where I leave off. I'll be back in less than a month, I promise! :)
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Embedded Librarianship
I will have two basic responsibilities in my position at the college: providing reference service and teaching information literacy classes. Reference is what I did in my previous position as a student for the college. I sit at the help desk and try to make sure that everyone who comes into the library finds or is put on the track to find the information that they want/need. I love reference. I love helping people find what they need from the so-called mundane questions to the more in depth research inquiries. I even like helping people when they run up the stairs, out of breath, two minutes before closing, to ask for a book that is somewhere on the shelves, they hope, to check out. I still like it.
The second responsibility of instruction will be a new duty. I will be performing mostly database/citation/plagiarism/library overview classes for business communications classes and then a few more specialized classes for the paramedic diploma program. What I am mostly excited about, however, is having the opportunity to be embedded as a librarian into online courses. Embedded librarianship is the act of joining a a class that is offered online (either in full or in part) not as the instructor, but as a librarian (usually with your own forum) to offer research assistance/tips to help students in their paper/research writing. I'm not excited because it will be fulfilling and the students will lap up my nuggets of wisdom. I'm excited for the challenge. You see, embedded librarianship is a very new field of study and most research articles on the topic have been published in the past 3-5 years. Because it is so new, and because it is still rarely done, there isn't really an established "best practices" rules for performing the task. As a result, everyone kind of does their own thing (even within institutions) and hopes for the best, usually running into communication breakdowns with the class instructor, a lack of participation from the students, and a feeling of futility that nothing is actually being accomplished.
As it has been slow at work for the past week (although not currently as I'm in the midst of a two-week instruction class to teach all new college instructors - I guess I qualify! - on how to be good teachers), I have decided to take it upon myself to compile as complete of a bibliography as possible on the subject of embedded librarianship. I currently have just under fifty articles, but have only read through about ten-percent of them at this point. At an instruction meeting last week, I brought forth my intention of reading through these articles to be a better embedded librarian and asked for questions the other more experienced librarians might have regarding the topic (ie: issues they come up against that they'd want suggestions on how to overcome) so I could short list those articles for others' reading pleasure. In the end, I hope to write a literature review on the subject to hopefully help others who are struggling on how to make embedded librarianship work they way it has the potential to work. Obviously, there is a part to be that hopes if I hustle hard enough on this that perhaps my contract can be extended as I prove myself eager and useful. If nothing else, it can be a little extra to put on my resume/cover letter/interviewing tool box for when I have to hit the streets to find a new job. I'll probably be talking about it a bit here and feel free to weigh in on the subject in the comments (or to me personally in some other way) whether you're a librarian or not.
Oh, and on the personal front: Silas is really settling in nicely at daycare and I think he rather likes it. He is a bit on the sleepy side, but he is starting to nap for 2-2.5 hours for them (more the the others...I can just picture the poor caretaker who has the sit and stare at him while he keeps sleeping and the others play upstairs, hahah). He has a constant runny nose that I feel will probably never go away. It is hard on me when I pick him up, because he just wants me to play with him, but I have to get on dinner right away or he'll never eat, bathe, and bottle by 7pm when I put him to bed. Some days I feel that he'd go to bed at 6:00 if I'd let him. On Friday night, he was snoring away in his crib by 6:30. In many ways I miss my poor boy...but selfishly, I mostly just miss my happy boy M-F because when I get him he's just hungry and tired and increasingly cranky. I am very thankful for my weekends when I get him all to myself and he can sleep in to his heart's desire.
The second responsibility of instruction will be a new duty. I will be performing mostly database/citation/plagiarism/library overview classes for business communications classes and then a few more specialized classes for the paramedic diploma program. What I am mostly excited about, however, is having the opportunity to be embedded as a librarian into online courses. Embedded librarianship is the act of joining a a class that is offered online (either in full or in part) not as the instructor, but as a librarian (usually with your own forum) to offer research assistance/tips to help students in their paper/research writing. I'm not excited because it will be fulfilling and the students will lap up my nuggets of wisdom. I'm excited for the challenge. You see, embedded librarianship is a very new field of study and most research articles on the topic have been published in the past 3-5 years. Because it is so new, and because it is still rarely done, there isn't really an established "best practices" rules for performing the task. As a result, everyone kind of does their own thing (even within institutions) and hopes for the best, usually running into communication breakdowns with the class instructor, a lack of participation from the students, and a feeling of futility that nothing is actually being accomplished.
As it has been slow at work for the past week (although not currently as I'm in the midst of a two-week instruction class to teach all new college instructors - I guess I qualify! - on how to be good teachers), I have decided to take it upon myself to compile as complete of a bibliography as possible on the subject of embedded librarianship. I currently have just under fifty articles, but have only read through about ten-percent of them at this point. At an instruction meeting last week, I brought forth my intention of reading through these articles to be a better embedded librarian and asked for questions the other more experienced librarians might have regarding the topic (ie: issues they come up against that they'd want suggestions on how to overcome) so I could short list those articles for others' reading pleasure. In the end, I hope to write a literature review on the subject to hopefully help others who are struggling on how to make embedded librarianship work they way it has the potential to work. Obviously, there is a part to be that hopes if I hustle hard enough on this that perhaps my contract can be extended as I prove myself eager and useful. If nothing else, it can be a little extra to put on my resume/cover letter/interviewing tool box for when I have to hit the streets to find a new job. I'll probably be talking about it a bit here and feel free to weigh in on the subject in the comments (or to me personally in some other way) whether you're a librarian or not.
Oh, and on the personal front: Silas is really settling in nicely at daycare and I think he rather likes it. He is a bit on the sleepy side, but he is starting to nap for 2-2.5 hours for them (more the the others...I can just picture the poor caretaker who has the sit and stare at him while he keeps sleeping and the others play upstairs, hahah). He has a constant runny nose that I feel will probably never go away. It is hard on me when I pick him up, because he just wants me to play with him, but I have to get on dinner right away or he'll never eat, bathe, and bottle by 7pm when I put him to bed. Some days I feel that he'd go to bed at 6:00 if I'd let him. On Friday night, he was snoring away in his crib by 6:30. In many ways I miss my poor boy...but selfishly, I mostly just miss my happy boy M-F because when I get him he's just hungry and tired and increasingly cranky. I am very thankful for my weekends when I get him all to myself and he can sleep in to his heart's desire.
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Everything's Coming Up Millhouse!
I thought I had one wonderful piece of news to share today, but it seems like the good news has multiplied!
The original good news was that my wonderful husband just landed a sweet new job! He interviewed on Tuesday and got the job yesterday and will start on August 20th! It is through the University, driving inter-library loans through out the various campuses and down to the sister college about an hour away. Benefits, regular hours, free tuition after one year of work, paid vacation, a free week off at Christmas, and the ability to start at the bottom and work your way up the ladder. He is very excited and so am I! Selfishly, I am excited because if I have to stay late at the college to teach classes, I no longer have to scramble for daycare...he will be available! If I want to make plans after work, I will be able to because I'll know for certain when he'll be off work. I know he has enjoyed his time working in the trades/construction industry for 12 years, but this is a good time to change and this is a wonderful job to change into. Silas will be in daycare less (only by an hour or so, but whatever!) and the stress will be less. The money, however, will be less as well, but luckily I don't give much of a damn about money/things as long as the basics are met with a few coins to rub together at the end of the day. So excited! And his wonderful parents have decided to give us their Honda Civic for free to help us get around to our two jobs! So amazing! So wonderful! Such a great support system!
The second good piece of news that I was NOT expecting, is that Silas is now walking! Just two days ago, in the first entry, I was stressed that I was sending my poor baby away without the skills to walk. And now he's walking! Watch out, he's not a baby anymore. He's a bonafide toddler! We got home from work/daycare and I put him in the dining room while I scrambled to make dinner. I looked up and he was in the middle of the room, walking toward me. How did he get there!? I watched him excitedly after this to find that he was enjoying carrying his single shoe in his hands and walking across the room. He even would change directions, pause and stand for a while, and then take off into the other room to play with his toys! I really thought that he would start to walk on his own (ie: letting go of things and decide to walk on his own without encouragement) slowly. A few steps, the end. But no... it was all of a sudden. I don't know what to be amazed of first! Are the daycare providers that awesome that they were able to show him some awesome tricks?!!? I know Silas likes being around other kids more advanced (ie: anyone at all, le sigh, whatever) because (and I'm assuming/projecting here) it's one thing to see his giant mother do something and quite another to see another little person do an activity and for Silas to see how *they* do it and for what purpose. Whatever the reason, holy hell, he's a walking toddler now! I am so proud and so happy. I love my little man!
And the third piece of news is much lesser, but still wonderful for me.. I love my job! I enrolled in a mandatory two-week how-to-teach class through work and found another one on Aboriginal identity/issues that I'm going to take for fun that is online. I love being trained! I love school without homework! I also found out that I am going to be able to be an embedded librarian for online/distance courses as well, and this is awesome! Although I'd really like to stay in this city for a few more years, I still am tempted by a distance-only college that is about 2 hours north with amazing opportunities. The more experience I can get with embedded librarianship the better! And I'm hoping I can collaborate with my co-worker/former-classmate/all around babette and find a quick-and-dirty no-ethics-approval-needed research project surrounding embedded librarianship and site statistics to undertake during my five month contract. I'm also going to be able to be the instruction librarian for all EMT-Paramedic courses, which kicks so much butt! There is going to be so much to do in such a small contract and I'm going to enjoy and milk it for every last drop!
I hope to continue this daily updating, but tomorrow starts the beginning of a long weekend that will be filled with Silas' first fishing trip, fun with the extended family, a visit from a dear friend from Saskatchewan, ethnic food extravaganza from the Heritage Festival, and hopefully the ability to catch up on some snoozing. Happy August, y'all!
The original good news was that my wonderful husband just landed a sweet new job! He interviewed on Tuesday and got the job yesterday and will start on August 20th! It is through the University, driving inter-library loans through out the various campuses and down to the sister college about an hour away. Benefits, regular hours, free tuition after one year of work, paid vacation, a free week off at Christmas, and the ability to start at the bottom and work your way up the ladder. He is very excited and so am I! Selfishly, I am excited because if I have to stay late at the college to teach classes, I no longer have to scramble for daycare...he will be available! If I want to make plans after work, I will be able to because I'll know for certain when he'll be off work. I know he has enjoyed his time working in the trades/construction industry for 12 years, but this is a good time to change and this is a wonderful job to change into. Silas will be in daycare less (only by an hour or so, but whatever!) and the stress will be less. The money, however, will be less as well, but luckily I don't give much of a damn about money/things as long as the basics are met with a few coins to rub together at the end of the day. So excited! And his wonderful parents have decided to give us their Honda Civic for free to help us get around to our two jobs! So amazing! So wonderful! Such a great support system!
The second good piece of news that I was NOT expecting, is that Silas is now walking! Just two days ago, in the first entry, I was stressed that I was sending my poor baby away without the skills to walk. And now he's walking! Watch out, he's not a baby anymore. He's a bonafide toddler! We got home from work/daycare and I put him in the dining room while I scrambled to make dinner. I looked up and he was in the middle of the room, walking toward me. How did he get there!? I watched him excitedly after this to find that he was enjoying carrying his single shoe in his hands and walking across the room. He even would change directions, pause and stand for a while, and then take off into the other room to play with his toys! I really thought that he would start to walk on his own (ie: letting go of things and decide to walk on his own without encouragement) slowly. A few steps, the end. But no... it was all of a sudden. I don't know what to be amazed of first! Are the daycare providers that awesome that they were able to show him some awesome tricks?!!? I know Silas likes being around other kids more advanced (ie: anyone at all, le sigh, whatever) because (and I'm assuming/projecting here) it's one thing to see his giant mother do something and quite another to see another little person do an activity and for Silas to see how *they* do it and for what purpose. Whatever the reason, holy hell, he's a walking toddler now! I am so proud and so happy. I love my little man!
And the third piece of news is much lesser, but still wonderful for me.. I love my job! I enrolled in a mandatory two-week how-to-teach class through work and found another one on Aboriginal identity/issues that I'm going to take for fun that is online. I love being trained! I love school without homework! I also found out that I am going to be able to be an embedded librarian for online/distance courses as well, and this is awesome! Although I'd really like to stay in this city for a few more years, I still am tempted by a distance-only college that is about 2 hours north with amazing opportunities. The more experience I can get with embedded librarianship the better! And I'm hoping I can collaborate with my co-worker/former-classmate/all around babette and find a quick-and-dirty no-ethics-approval-needed research project surrounding embedded librarianship and site statistics to undertake during my five month contract. I'm also going to be able to be the instruction librarian for all EMT-Paramedic courses, which kicks so much butt! There is going to be so much to do in such a small contract and I'm going to enjoy and milk it for every last drop!
I hope to continue this daily updating, but tomorrow starts the beginning of a long weekend that will be filled with Silas' first fishing trip, fun with the extended family, a visit from a dear friend from Saskatchewan, ethnic food extravaganza from the Heritage Festival, and hopefully the ability to catch up on some snoozing. Happy August, y'all!
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Day One
As I expected, I cried over and over last night as my husband did the bedtime routine with Silas as I didn't want to shower him in my tears on the final night before daycare. And, as expected, come 5:45 in the AM, I was completely over it and simply focused on getting myself and my beautiful little man ready for the day. I even managed to wake him up from a deep sleep gently and without tears. This is a huge accomplishment because he WAILS if he is woken up from sleep.
We got to the daycare early and were able to go for a little walk, killing some joggers with cuteness along the way. He was the first little man to be dropped off and immediately went to play with whichever toys were nearest. I was able to get in and out in 3 minutes and be at work with a single minute to spare. I didn't cry at all today and I doubt I really will again with this issue. It is already part of our routine.
Work was all orientation, conversation, and other such casual time-wasting awesomeness. The only downside to this job is that it is temporary. I even like my desk/cubicle tucked away in the very back of the office. It was great to see everyone again. And then when it was all over, I was able to zoom back to my Silas and find him playing outside in the sand. A lady asked me which boy was mine and without pointing I said it was Silas. She grinned and said "Oh! The smiley one!" That made my heart so happy! He is a smiley one! And I'm so glad that he was smiley without me around as well. He hardly napped, only 50 minutes before he woke up, but he'll get the hang of it. We tried to go out to eat, but it was a bust. He was too tired. He was asleep, fast asleep, by 7pm.
My sweet boy... I think we'll make this work after all. :)
And there is even better news to report and reflect upon tomorrow, but that will have to wait for another blog post. :)
We got to the daycare early and were able to go for a little walk, killing some joggers with cuteness along the way. He was the first little man to be dropped off and immediately went to play with whichever toys were nearest. I was able to get in and out in 3 minutes and be at work with a single minute to spare. I didn't cry at all today and I doubt I really will again with this issue. It is already part of our routine.
Work was all orientation, conversation, and other such casual time-wasting awesomeness. The only downside to this job is that it is temporary. I even like my desk/cubicle tucked away in the very back of the office. It was great to see everyone again. And then when it was all over, I was able to zoom back to my Silas and find him playing outside in the sand. A lady asked me which boy was mine and without pointing I said it was Silas. She grinned and said "Oh! The smiley one!" That made my heart so happy! He is a smiley one! And I'm so glad that he was smiley without me around as well. He hardly napped, only 50 minutes before he woke up, but he'll get the hang of it. We tried to go out to eat, but it was a bust. He was too tired. He was asleep, fast asleep, by 7pm.
My sweet boy... I think we'll make this work after all. :)
And there is even better news to report and reflect upon tomorrow, but that will have to wait for another blog post. :)
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Last Day
Today is my last day as a stay-at-home mom. I had the son I never knew I wanted in May of last year during the summer break after my first year in a masters program for library studies after a four year break from school. He is an extremely lovely child, sleeps very well, and although he is usually a bit behind on hitting his milestones (other than growing teeth...he's a tooth growing champ!) he always manages to get there on his own terms eventually. My husband took paternity leave in November so I could hustle and finish my MLIS (Masters in Library and Information Studies) in two years. I graduated last June and have pretty much been home full time since the end of April with the exception of a 9-hour a week position in a library for May and June. I have had the entire month of July off, knowing since the beginning of the month that I was fortunate enough in this economy and job market to land a full-time big-girl professional five-month-with-a-possibility-of-extension library position at a technical college starting August 1st. I was also fortunate enough to find out that my daycare of choice that I have been on the waiting list for since September of last year finally had an opening for my Silas starting...August 1st!
I've known this day has been coming...I'm very happy with the care he will be given at the daycare...so why have the last few days been so rough?
I'm not a perfect mom. I probably leave him to his own devices too often to be on the computer. He's almost fifteen months and although he cruises like a champ and loves to walk around holding a finger, he's very reluctant to walk on his own. I know he is capable. I've seen him walk through three rooms and he falls nicely on his bum. He will not walk on his own accord...he has to be "encouraged" by standing him up and letting go. Every other child in our life is walking by now...even children younger than him. I know he'll get it...but I feel I could have done more to get him the confidence he needs to walk. He also does not drink from a regular sippy cup. Gravity confuses him and therefore the cups frustrate him and make him angry. I caved and got him cups with straws. He's fifteen months and doesn't understand cups. This is also my fault. He also only have 1.5 words. He says mama and I think he knows that is me. He also says dada, rarely, and only sometimes knows that it means his dad. That is it. No other words. Wawa might be something. I don't know what. It doesn't seem to mean milk. He should have about 5 words by now. He doesn't. I try to talk to him all the time. He understands the word mouth. He understands bye-bye. He cannot talk. This is probably my fault too. I don't play with him enough. I don't speak to him enough. I don't practice walking with him enough. I feel horrible about these things. I am extremely pleased that the daycare he is going to is so wonderful. He is not downgrading by going there...I think they will be an improvement over me. I have cried about this, but it is still true. I love him and I know he loves me in the way that one-year old boys love their mamas. But this is the best thing for him.
I am also someone who needs to work. I absolutely love the field of librarianship and am excited beyond belief to work as an Instruction and Reference Librarian at this technical college. I worked there as a student and love the people and the faculty and the students. I feel that the work is important and I can make a difference. It is challenging at times and almost always rewarding. I love helping people and there are many people in the library to help. I often have first-day-of-work jitters, but not this time. It helps that I worked there about 10 hours a week from September-June, so it's not completely new (although I only did reference). It also helps that for the first time in my life I don't see my new job as just a job...I see it as the first day of the start of my dream career. It's exciting, not daunting. I love it. I love this feeling. I hope I can always find employment when I want/need it in this field in some way. I am so glad I went back to school for this degree and my first job, this job, pays more than 2x the most money I have ever made at a job. These are all good things.
And yet I have still found myself crying as I talk to Silas during our pre-bedtime stories as he has his bottle. (Yes. I still give him a bottle before bed. It's his only bottle. It will stop soon, but I love him calm in my arms before bed. Ugh... Add to the above as to the reasons why I am a shit mom.) I am going to miss him so much. I know there will still be weekends...but the workday breakfasts will be so rushed, no Wednesday morning trips to the playground if we so choose, fewer naptimes at the house, fewer kisses/snuggles/tickles/laughter... It is the best for me to work because I need this work in my life. It is the best for Silas to go to daycare so they can care for him and teach him things that I have been lacking in and to be socialized with kids his age. It is best for our family because our income will be higher than it has ever been. It is for the best. But still...I cry. Weep.
The past few days I have tried to spoil him as much as possible. We played outside for over an hour and I let him get into anything non-dangerous non-garden related in the backyard and waited for him to be finished before we went inside. We went to the library for him to play with all the toys in the children's section of the main branch downtown. We will go to the park today. I bought him a big boy sippy cup and am being very patient to teach him how to use it. I will make him a big plate of sausages tomorrow morning even if I have to get up early to make sure it's ready. I love him. I know the daycare providers, lovely as they are, will not replace his mama in his eyes. I went to daycare and never thought of the daycare lady as my mother. I just remember playing with the other kids. I try to remember this when I start to cry. (Like I am right now...ugh)
He will never remember the fun we have had. He will not have these days as memories. Only I will hold these memories and I will hold them hard and fast for the rest of my life. Today is the last day of the era of pre-full-time-working-mother. I am living in tomorrow's history and I want it to be wonderful. The house may not be clean by the time I go to bed tonight. That is not something I will remember in 10 years. It is the fun we have that I will remember and I want it to be special. I miss my boy already and he's still here, napping, like a sweetheart in his crib. He was always such a wonderful sleeping. Sleeping 5-6 hours through the night by the end of the first month. Usually sleeping from 8pm-9:30am with a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. And now I am going to break him and make him get up at 6:30. He'll be so tired when I pick him up that I'll probably only get about 2-3 hours before he goes to bed. I hope that I am able to put him to bed like he needs instead of selfishly keeping him up to enjoy him.
I don't know what this blog will be about...most likely it will be the thoughts of a working mother, the life of a librarian, and the occasional lefty rantings of a disillusioned American-Canadian. I just wanted to document how I've been feeling lately before it becomes just a memory.
I've known this day has been coming...I'm very happy with the care he will be given at the daycare...so why have the last few days been so rough?
I'm not a perfect mom. I probably leave him to his own devices too often to be on the computer. He's almost fifteen months and although he cruises like a champ and loves to walk around holding a finger, he's very reluctant to walk on his own. I know he is capable. I've seen him walk through three rooms and he falls nicely on his bum. He will not walk on his own accord...he has to be "encouraged" by standing him up and letting go. Every other child in our life is walking by now...even children younger than him. I know he'll get it...but I feel I could have done more to get him the confidence he needs to walk. He also does not drink from a regular sippy cup. Gravity confuses him and therefore the cups frustrate him and make him angry. I caved and got him cups with straws. He's fifteen months and doesn't understand cups. This is also my fault. He also only have 1.5 words. He says mama and I think he knows that is me. He also says dada, rarely, and only sometimes knows that it means his dad. That is it. No other words. Wawa might be something. I don't know what. It doesn't seem to mean milk. He should have about 5 words by now. He doesn't. I try to talk to him all the time. He understands the word mouth. He understands bye-bye. He cannot talk. This is probably my fault too. I don't play with him enough. I don't speak to him enough. I don't practice walking with him enough. I feel horrible about these things. I am extremely pleased that the daycare he is going to is so wonderful. He is not downgrading by going there...I think they will be an improvement over me. I have cried about this, but it is still true. I love him and I know he loves me in the way that one-year old boys love their mamas. But this is the best thing for him.
I am also someone who needs to work. I absolutely love the field of librarianship and am excited beyond belief to work as an Instruction and Reference Librarian at this technical college. I worked there as a student and love the people and the faculty and the students. I feel that the work is important and I can make a difference. It is challenging at times and almost always rewarding. I love helping people and there are many people in the library to help. I often have first-day-of-work jitters, but not this time. It helps that I worked there about 10 hours a week from September-June, so it's not completely new (although I only did reference). It also helps that for the first time in my life I don't see my new job as just a job...I see it as the first day of the start of my dream career. It's exciting, not daunting. I love it. I love this feeling. I hope I can always find employment when I want/need it in this field in some way. I am so glad I went back to school for this degree and my first job, this job, pays more than 2x the most money I have ever made at a job. These are all good things.
And yet I have still found myself crying as I talk to Silas during our pre-bedtime stories as he has his bottle. (Yes. I still give him a bottle before bed. It's his only bottle. It will stop soon, but I love him calm in my arms before bed. Ugh... Add to the above as to the reasons why I am a shit mom.) I am going to miss him so much. I know there will still be weekends...but the workday breakfasts will be so rushed, no Wednesday morning trips to the playground if we so choose, fewer naptimes at the house, fewer kisses/snuggles/tickles/laughter... It is the best for me to work because I need this work in my life. It is the best for Silas to go to daycare so they can care for him and teach him things that I have been lacking in and to be socialized with kids his age. It is best for our family because our income will be higher than it has ever been. It is for the best. But still...I cry. Weep.
The past few days I have tried to spoil him as much as possible. We played outside for over an hour and I let him get into anything non-dangerous non-garden related in the backyard and waited for him to be finished before we went inside. We went to the library for him to play with all the toys in the children's section of the main branch downtown. We will go to the park today. I bought him a big boy sippy cup and am being very patient to teach him how to use it. I will make him a big plate of sausages tomorrow morning even if I have to get up early to make sure it's ready. I love him. I know the daycare providers, lovely as they are, will not replace his mama in his eyes. I went to daycare and never thought of the daycare lady as my mother. I just remember playing with the other kids. I try to remember this when I start to cry. (Like I am right now...ugh)
He will never remember the fun we have had. He will not have these days as memories. Only I will hold these memories and I will hold them hard and fast for the rest of my life. Today is the last day of the era of pre-full-time-working-mother. I am living in tomorrow's history and I want it to be wonderful. The house may not be clean by the time I go to bed tonight. That is not something I will remember in 10 years. It is the fun we have that I will remember and I want it to be special. I miss my boy already and he's still here, napping, like a sweetheart in his crib. He was always such a wonderful sleeping. Sleeping 5-6 hours through the night by the end of the first month. Usually sleeping from 8pm-9:30am with a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. And now I am going to break him and make him get up at 6:30. He'll be so tired when I pick him up that I'll probably only get about 2-3 hours before he goes to bed. I hope that I am able to put him to bed like he needs instead of selfishly keeping him up to enjoy him.
I don't know what this blog will be about...most likely it will be the thoughts of a working mother, the life of a librarian, and the occasional lefty rantings of a disillusioned American-Canadian. I just wanted to document how I've been feeling lately before it becomes just a memory.
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